"Pada akhirnya ya, dalam hidup mah, saya udah gak mau lagi cari kebahagiaan atau ketenangan. If you want to be that happy in deep, firstly you got to accept yourself. And when you already become whole, become full, everything is gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be fine." - Aming
source: Youtube RoTivi
has life been kind for you?
because lately, it is for me.
i know love can be difficult to find nowadays. but this days, i feel fine without the 'love' in a kind that from a guy. i have lots of love from friends and family. i have love for myself that i've been trying to get within myself. and these days, the universe conspired to give a life that's been kind for me. good food that i could afford when i needed ones, a job that had been in my bucket list, a place to stay miles away from home, and a good surroundings... including friends and colleagues. life has been kind for me, lately.
has life been kind for you? it's been a while since the last time i heard your voice. but that's okay. that's life, isn't it? we're moving on from the days when i stayed awake just to hear your rants about the days you've been through and i would fall for that sound. the sound of your calming voice, the sound of your heartbeat, the sound of my own heartbeat, and the clock's ticking, reminded me that the cinderella had to come home.
like us, we had to come to the reality.
reality sucks, i guess. hehe.
but now, miles away from you and our memories... i just hope you're doing fine. i just hope that life treated you well. i hope that she... treats you well. because 'til now, i just can admire you from afar, never been the love you wanted for.
ngeliat iring-iringan pemakaman Eril, anak dari Pak Gubernur Ridwan Kamil, i try to hold my cry. aku gatau segitu banyak orang yg 'mengiringi' sepanjang jalan itu bener-bener karena they feel the lost or just for content, tapi segitu banyaknya yang bener-bener ikut ngedoain dan nganterin. aku merasa bener-bener ikut terharu dan sedih, walaupun ga kenal sama yang meninggal. we always knew the Ridwan Kamil tho. tapi beliau sendiri juga baik dan asik, no wonder people love him and his little family.
beberapa kali ngeliat orang meninggal dan liatin siapa aja yang mengantar ke pemakaman, aku selalu jadi berpikir... apakah aku udah jadi baik ke orang? apakah akan banyak yang ngedoain dan nganterin? apakah ada yang akan merasa kehilangan? or people just move on easily?
salah satu cita-cita hidupku tuh, at least aku menjadi orang yang kalo orang inget tuh tentang kebaikannya. yang kalau aku pergi, at least ada yang merasa they lost someone important.
tapi kalau dilihat-lihat sekarang juga, i lost some of my friends along the way. bukan yang meninggal... i mean, we grew up dan akhirnya kayak terpisah sendiri-sendiri sama kehidupan barunya. yang akhirnya punya temen lagi sendiri. punya kehidupan lagi. punya keluarga sendiri. i easily forgotten. entahlah.
tapi ya gitu aja sih.
pokoknya rest in love, Eril. i hope wherever you are now, you are in peace. know that your family, your significant other, and the people who knew you really love you here. :)
