if i could

i would

really

from previous.

// ternyata salah rumah

alamat yang kutuju sudah usang

mana lagi tempat berteduh

yang dapat kusinggahi?

lelah menumpuk,

terutama hati yang sendu selalu

perihal pulang

sudah lama tidak merasakannya

hangat dipeluk,

dicintai kembali

lupa, seperti apa penuhnya hati

tatkala memiliki seseorang

yang membuatmu terus berbunga

//

30.09.22; 8.58am

hello, it's me.

halo.

kupesankan secangkir rindu dengan beberapa sendok lara. mengenang yang lama, tak jua hilang pahitnya. dalam langkah yang terus melaju, nampaknya kamu masih menarikku kembali. pada kenangan-kenangan yang selama ini kucoba untuk terus kupaksa masuk dalam satu kotak di ujung ruang, berusaha menguncinya. melupa, namun dicoba seberapa pun banyaknya, akhirnya gagal. terus merana, lupa arah ke mana masa depan menyapa.

halo. 

dering terus memantul-mantul. nada dalam jeda, senyap terus dipenuhi gema tawamu. purnama sudah lagi tak terhitung, malam-malam sepi sudah menjadi kawan terbaik. entah di mana lagi sosokmu. meraihmu dalam genggam telpon saja sudah sulit, apalagi genggam tanganmu yang sudah kulupa bagaimana hangatnya. musim dingin menjadi sepanjang tahun, walau hanya dirasa dalam dada. 

halo?

mengapa tak jua diangkat? sudahkah kita menjadi orang asing kembali? bagaimana bisa? padahal selama ini, kukira kamu rumah, tempat aku kembali. tempat aku bersandar. 

// halo, adakah orang di rumah ini? 

22.09.22; 4.15pm

my own playlist

lately i made a playlist of songs i listened to over and over again. my spotify now full of fav songs playlist lol. curated some of my september fav here.

((sometimes it'll show u my mental state atm lol))

and then IT IS too late.

humans are weird.

they assume everything. 

using the head, 

never the heart. 

and when it's too late,

all they said was,

'i wish i knew'.

// i wish i knew you wanted me

21.09.22; 1.17pm

Page 286 of 365: latest poems.

 

using my blog to track all the poems because i'm on screen all day
dan daripada kertas atau hp, lebih cepet buat nulis disini
kalo lagi ada ide. tapi kalo lagi di tempat lain dan kalo yang paling
cepet lewat media lain, ya pake media lain wk. but for now, this is
the place wkwk.

today's playlist (#throwbackthursday):

• far east movement - rocketeer
• zedd - clarity
• keane - everybody's changing
• bruno mars - treasure
• one republic - counting stars
• maroon 5 - this love
• daft punk - digital love
• avril - happy ending
• the 1975 - chocolate
• can you my heart break (ga sempet nyari wk)
• flight facilities - crave you
• counting crows - accidentally in love
• jb - never say never
• rihanna - pon de replay
• bruno mars - grenade
• ran - pandangan pertama
• jojo - little too late
• backstreet boys - i want it that way (THE MAIN REASON I LISTEN TO THE THROWBACK THURSDAY RITEEEEE WKWKWKW)
• 1d - live while we're young
• so7 - radio
• naif - rela
• katy perry - the one that got away
• mcr - teenagers
• westlife - uptown girl
• la roux - bulletproof
• carly - call me maybe (SOOO 2010s-ish!!!)
• the strokes - someday
• james morrison - broken strings
• ts - love story (i think it's a pop radio version bcs it's different)
• ed sheeran - photograph
• maliq - terdiam
• macklemore, ryan lewis - can't hold us
• lady gaga - paparazi
• fun - we are young
• nico & vinz - am i wrong (how could this song be throwback tune now?! im so old)
• kelly clarkson - stronger
• twenty first night - tergila
• paris hilton - stars are blind
• angels & airwaves - everything's magic
• bruno mars - just the way you are (hari ini berasa dengerin bruno mars trs deh wkwk)
• one republic - stop & stare
• so7 - seberapa pantas
• drake - hold on, we're going home
• gym class heroes - stereo hearts
• anda - tentang seseorang
• the script - hall of fame
• arctic monkeys - are u mine
• adele - rumour has it
• saybia - the second you sleep
• maroon 5 - better that we break
• jamie cullum - everlasting love
• jlo - jenny from the block
• ts - 22
• 2am club - worry about you
• the calling - wherever you will go
• someone that i used to know (lagi mikir penyanyinya siapa....)
• uptown girl AGAIN (and no complain bcs I LOVE ITT!11!!!)
• boys like girls, ts - 2 is better than 1
• the script - the man who cant be moved (yea, classic)
• new radicals - someday we'll know
• snoop dogg - drop it like it's hot
• the click five - jenny
• paramore - only exception
• melee - built to last
• linkin park, jay z - numb/encore
• jb - boyfriend
• mgmt - electric feel
• a rocket to the moon - like i used to
• labrinth - beneath your beautiful
• aj rafael - she was mine
• jb - that should be me
• neyo - closer
• ts - you belong with me
• float - pulang
• neyo - one in a million
• jonas brothers - burnin' up
• maroon 5 - payphone (used to be favoooo!!!!)
• chris brown - with you
• 1d - 1 thing
• sean - beatiful girls
• beyonce - single ladies
• maliq - penasaran
• ts - we are never ever getting back together
• calvin, ellie - i need your love
• disclosure, sam smith - latch
• mymp - tell me where it hurts

dan baru sadar, tahun ini banyak lagi cuap-cuap di blog. biasanya lupa kalo punya blog. hhhh.

habis nge-post story kalo ngalihin pikiran dengan ngerjain kerjaan,
kemudian mikir,,,,

jangan-jangan itu alasan kenapa ga pernah bisa ngurai semua 'perasaan' yang lagi dirasain? i mean, i always ignore it rather than solve it. ngalihin sampe semua numpuk, begitu mau milah-milah malah jadi cape karena too much emotions i put aside and become a pile of unsolved problems. 

gitu ya?

iya. 

//jawab-jawab dewe ae//

regret regret regret

udah?

selesai penasarannya?

going back to where it was?

where my phone is quiet

and nobody's there

just me, thinking about

regretting every second

i opened up to someone else

crack

i heard something's cracking 

in the middle of the night

it felt near, but i couldn't see it

my hands were all over the place

sensing where the hell it was

oh, never mind

it's my heart