—to the sun

i hope the sun shines

not bright enough

that it burns your life

into ashes

shouldn't it be nicer

because lately

life never does

it's cruel

the summer you left

the nights i spent alone

the life without you

// barely alive

24.07.23; 5.43pm

i know you're sad

i hope you can get pass it

i hope that this just a phase

and one day

you can laugh to this day

like you always told 'em

it's just a funny story

and you don't end up 

crying again

// this too, shall pass

23.07.23; 7.04pm

sad. happy. sad. in repeat.

so there were times after an event that i felt so burdened about being 'single' and it made me sad and depressed. it was a 'ticking-time-bomb', but more likely the time it went south. it's just.... the bomb went off and i felt like i was a failure. it wasn't a good time, and i hate the whole week. i was all over the place, i was depressed, i was angry with everything, i stressed over things that now looks so simple, it's just... not myself. it's my old-self. the anger-issue, the self-sabotage, the i-hate-the-world self. 

and i passed it. with cries. with heavy heart. with depressed playlist.

i dealt with it, and in peace for several days. i felt okay. i felt it was the time to smile again and played my summer tunes. i went to healthy habits again. wrote my journal again. having average days like i always had. it went normal and i was feeling okay.

but today, i just realized that i just buried it behind me without solving or telling anyone what i felt. i just got by it without doing anything. and when i burst the whole story to my friend... damn, i almost cried in crowds. and now, the depressed tunes replay in my room. the heavy heart comes back. and all i wanna do is laying in bed, thinking about how to get pass the phase where i feel bad about myself. about being alone in this modern life. 

adrenaline junkie

and even you lied

i know 

and i don't care

because what am i 

gonna do

gonna be

without you here?

// masochist

20.07.23; 01.45pm