another nyebelin hari ini aside kas project at the office: kemarin pas di jalan berangkat ngantor udah kepikiran buat nulis sesuatu. tapi kayaknya pas nyampe langsung hectic, dan lupa kalimat yang bagus-bagus kurangkai di jalan. (insert cursing words). emang paling bener langsung ditulis di notes HP kayak dulu -_-
a full time dreamer's note
An INFJ-T part time writer and full time dreamer.
23 Oktober 2024
17 September 2024
Page 261 of 366: New series.
Starting new series.
Series about poetry: Constellations Series
Series on TV (netflix, for exact info): The Blacklist
Series of songs: Fall '24
Ok, what a short update on my life (because now I regularly write on papers a.k.a. journal (liat aja kalo tiba-tiba ntar males nulis manual handwritten, pasti cuap-cuap ga jelas di blog).
And I just realized this is the 32nd post on this blog, surpassing last year's. Selalu merasa achieved aja kalo lagi banyak nulis di blog. Walaupun ya akhir-akhir lebih sering post poetry-related. Gak mau dibilang terlalu puitis or something, karena akhir-akhir ini lebih sering nulis pake bahasa sehari-hari. Tapi, yha... related. I can't put title of things I wrote other than poems/poetry. Lol.
Happy Tuesday, folks!
From sleep deprived writer.
—to the moon
this night is sparkling in silence
cinderella would be so late
but i take my little feet
walk around this lonely life
the cold air hugged me
as my thoughts fly away
to the nights where you and i
were something
your ride and laughs
and unused camera you brought along
your smiles and stories
and flirty jokes you've always made
your nightmares and drinks
and cigarettes i hated
but you tried your best
to hold yourself without it
i still remember the books i got that day
or sweets you introduced to me
like your lies called love
and your little affections
when you stayed awake listening
to all my sorrows
i hate that lately
midnights felt like hell
because my head is full
and how i wish that you'll be there
instead, i've drown myself
into poetries that felt like hopeless lady
into songs that suffocated me
into inkless pictures of us
because there's memories i've never captured
and one of the best was about us
to the moon that shines so bright
to the stars that always led someone's to home
to the man that always haunts my midnights
i hope my bleeding heart finally stops
i hope the scars heal
and i hope, the memories of us
will never be the same ghost
that stayed in this room
of mine
// about midnights full of you.
17.09.24 // 9.39pm
tribute to the sun.
9 September 2024
day 6: right person, wrong time
they said, it sucks to love the right person at the wrong time.
and i'll tell them, it was better than feeling nothing at all.
// numb.
09.09.24; 9.51p,
day 9: healing in a parking lot
"FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKINNN!"
no one else, indeed, can feel it for you. the aches, the burnout, the falling down. the rise from the ashes, the rainbow after the storms, the stars to the wide-blackout-universe. the rain run through your skin, blessing your soul with forgiveness. you did it for yourself, then this is the time you need to get it out of your head. the self-doubt, the loneliness, the pain. help yourself. dress the best for a night out. drink the wine for yourself. celebrate. your life worth the cheers, the laughters, the happiness. and when you love your life a little bit more, you'll find yourself the end of the tunnel. the light in the dark. the end... of all of your sorrows. celebrate. and cheers to many more years of living.
// fireworks for darkness.
09.09.24; 09.49pm
2 September 2024
day 2: heartbreak radio
i drove down the highway
late in the night
it was so quiet,
in between the announcer
and sad songs in that old car
there were your ghosts
smiling right back into me
because you couldn't drive
laughing at my dry jokes
and told me i was so silly
holding my left hand
the warmth that now i forget
on how it felt like
the same damn road,
yet never the same feelings
the loneliness,
the heartbreaks,
the aches,
the memories.
it was never been this quiet
the darkness that filled in
and the emptiness inside
that song replayed
on and on and on
and you're still there
on and on and on and on...
// heartbreaks, on this lonely road.
02.09.24; 07.39pm
18 Agustus 2024
lalu kau pergi kembali dengannya.
aku sedang mendengar Tulus bernyanyi:
di bawah basah langit abu-abu
kau di mana?
di lengangnya malam menuju Minggu
kau di mana?
dan lagi-lagi rasa itu yang hadir
sendu sejenak meramu kelabu
pada senja menuju entah hari apa
mungkin sudah seminggu terhitung
kurang-lebihnya tak lagi kuingat
tapi nomornya tak lagi bisa kuhubungi
notifikasiku senyap
namun ucapan selamat ia terima
rupanya, ada perempuan lain
ada yang membuatmu berpaling
aku tidak pernah tahu akhir dari kisah kita
yang kutahu hanya hari berganti
dan tak ada lagi 'kita' yang bisa kucapai
hariku berlalu begitu saja
malamku kembali gelap
cintaku pada senja sudah senyap
dan kembali abu yang menjadi temanku
entah apa maksudmu, yang kutahu
sayangimu, aku telah keliru
ayo tulis di buku harianmu
kelak jelaskan bila engkau punya waktu
itu tahun-tahun yang lalu
melihatnya hari ini, sudah mustahil
rasaku habis, dan tak bersisa
namun senandung di sore hari itu
tentang kamu, dan sunyinya hidupku seusai kamu
kini tinggal memori-memori tentang luka
aku menarik napas terpanjang hari ini
dan berharap esok ketika kudengar lagi lagu ini
aku tak lagi mengingatmu sebagai pertanda
walau aku terkadang masih bertanya
bertemukah kau dengan sang puas?
benar senangkah rasa hatimu?
// senandung dan sendu.
18.08.24; 10.02pm
12 Agustus 2024
august & and it's about you, again.
salt air, and the rust on your door
i never needed anything more
how come it's already august
the time went by
years and years away from your footsteps
it's not haunting anymore
yet the aches never leave this town
i already forget how it started
the butterflies and the smiles
the voices led to your sleeps
the unknown relationship we planted
in miles away, out of our reach
i don't even know now when it started
but it was august
when my heart started to fall
scattered like glass on the marble floor
there was something 'bout you
that now i can't remember
it's the same damn thing
that made my heart surrender
truly, it was undefining moment
when it comes about you
you were the sunshine in my nights
the friend when i was away from my life
the love i could not even had
i don't remember why
but once, my life revolved around you
and when it stopped, i couldn't felt my heart
it was empty
and no other word would describe
how was my life for the rest of that year
to live for the hope of it all
cancel plans just in case you'd call
and say, "meet me behind the mall"
and when it ended
what was it for?
the "i've waited for your call"
the "how's life in Jakarta?"
the "we'll meet when you're back home"
the plans we finally cancelled
because it was just a scene in my head
and when i finally arrived at home
it was rust on the door
you never opened it for me
yet i knocked it anyway
just for me to realize,
you've never been there
do you think i have forgotten
.... about you?
// summer aches.
12.08.24; 07.36pm.
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